Survivor Week 9 Recap

By: cantvotemeoff

When we last saw our Survivors, Coach and Tyson were reeling from not getting to vote off Brendan due to Joe needing to be medi-vacced. A cloud hovers over the camp. In order to refocus the attention on him Coach tells them a true life story. Gather around children?.you see there was this warrior named Benjamin who was dropped by military helicopter (not hard enough for my standards) into the Amazon in Peru. Somehow he had an 18 foot kayak with him at the same time. One morning he paddled this 18 foot kayak (by himself) and felt as if he was being watched. He saw indigenous people watching him from the banks with the bows and arrows drawn. They dragged him from the boat and tied his feet together with ropes and tied him to a pole. They then beat him for an undetermined amount of time as he kept losing consciousness. He (in his beaten state) realized they were going to kill him so he managed to break free from the ropes, slip out the back and make his way to the kayak that they confidently left tied close to the water. He paddled so hard that his hands were bleeding. But our warrior escaped the pygmies.

Brendan asked how much it costs for a military drop from helicopter. Coach said he pulled strings and it was free?matter of fact National Geographic magazine wanted to go along to chronicle the trip but Coach said ?No. This trip is all about me.? Well, duh. Isn?t everything?

And the drums begin to play?

We wake in the morning to coach doing Chong Ran meditation. Which he says if you google it you will get nothing as it is passed down verbally through studying at Tibetan monasteries. Fun Fact: A Google search for the term ?Chong Ran Meditation? results in 12,800 results. Just saying. Sierra laughs at him. In tree confessional he is going to cut off the head of the dragon. Brendan is the dragon and he is the dragon slayer. Sierra is the bowel movement of the dragon.

Erin and JT go fishing and discuss how she likes everyone on the old Jalapao tribe more than her own. Which JT uses to find out her alliances. Apparently JT?s fishing who has magical powers and anyone who gets lured in is hypnotized into aligning with him.

The reward challenge is a row of 8 ceramic tiles. They are to toss metal balls and break the other teams? tiles. The trio with tiles left wins reward. Want know what they are playing for?

Winning group wins white water trip with picnic and send one of the losers to exile dune alone. Brendan wonders why everyone is gunning for his team and Erinn says it?s because your team is stacked. Brendan says ?we are throwing balls underhanded at tiles. None of us has ever done that before.? Coach (raising hands) says ?I have?. WTF?

Brendan, JT and Deb win and send Stephen to exile. Coach is ticked off saying he has been wanting to get on that river since he got there. Apparently his run in with the pygmies didn?t scar him for life.

On exile Stephen gets new clue to same idols. He says he is concerned about making fire alone. He has never done this at camp and the times he tried he became embarrassed. We see him trying his hardest with the flint. At last a spark catches just as night falls around him. Stephen says making his own fire is his own reward and he is so proud. Meanwhile in CANT?s living room cheers and applause was heard as CANT wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

On the reward Brendan reflects on the absolute joy on JT?s face. Says he is so honest and sincere. At the picnic JT said he thought being on trip with Brendan would be dull. Brendan if he has been approached by others. JT says no. Brendan says if he takes JT to the finals he won?t beat him but to him winning in the game is getting to the out come that satisfies him. And JT in the finals would satisfy him. Seriously. I think JT is hypnotizing them.

Brendan tells Sierra that he wants to take out Tyson and Coach and keep JT in the game. Brendan later talks to Taj where they also have a JT love fest.

At immunity challenge they are rejoined by Stephen who says that he had a couple of fires and his old Jalapao team mates clap. Tyson gives back the idol saying it?s too gaudy for him but he will wear it again. They are attached to a long rope threaded through obstacles. The first three through go to the second round where the obstacle is 3 levels high. Tyson, JT, Brendan and Sierra are flying through the challenge while Coach gets stuck and Jeff says ?nothing prepared him for the rope-a-dope?. Hahahahaha

WAIT A SECOND! Wasn?t it Coach who was tied to a pole by pygmies and somehow broke through the ropes, untied himself and escaped? Yeah? Ok continue on?

Tyson, JT and Brendan move on the second round. Tyson and Brendan run neck and neck until the final loops where scrawny bean pole man pulls ahead of Adonis. After Tyson?s victory, Coach says Brendan?s the dragon and I?m the dragon slayer. Blah blah blah

At camp they ask Stephen about his fire starting and you can see him blush as he tells them about it. Coach shakes his hand and says ?the wizard is coming into the man of the mountain.? I have NO clue what the hell that means. In under tones, Taj, JT, Deb, Tyson and Stephen quickly discuss who is voting for whom to split the votes between Sierra and Brendan. Brendan tells JT, Taj, Stephen and Sierra that he thinks they should go after Coach. Coach says leaders are born. He then says Brendan isn?t a leader but we will go head to head and see who is the chosen one.

At tribal council Jeff asks Taj who tells the best campfire stories and she tells him about Coach?s pygmy attack. Jeff asks is this what really happened or movie version of what you want to happen>

Coach?gave them PG-13 version. He says he didn?t want to mention that they wanted to eat his ass. Says, ?My life?s pretty fantastic. I have scars all over my body. 5, 6, 7, or 8 life or death situations. Probably more than that. Been through hurricanes, crocodile attack, shark attack, captured by pygmy tribe?all defining moments of life where I thought these are last seconds/ but cannot question integrity and honesty. That is how I am playing this game? Personally I think he was tripping on LSD and watching Deliverance?but what do I know?

Jeff?from beginning you talked about numbers and sticking together. Still confident in that?

Coach?7 layers of heaven with Vikings were determined by how they were defeated in battle. I want to surround myself with warriors.

Jeff asks everyone if they have the idol. Brendan admits that he does. While voting Coach says in ancient samurai they say if you want to win you have to cut off head of dragon. You are the dragon and I am the dragon slayer. Stephen says this is my wizard lightning shooting you back home. Kapow

As votes are tallied we see Brendan begin panic and Coach?s ego grow.

Votes are Coach 2 (Brendan and Sierra)

Sierra 3 (JT, Tyson and Erinn)

Brendan 4 (Taj, Deb, Stephen and Coach)

Brendan is the first member of the jury. Next week promises whining to stay in the game and a giant ego trip for Coach and Tyson.

Made up metaphors 3

Coach Ego stroking 3

Stephen metaphors 1

Cutting off dragon head/I am the dragon slayer references 7

1 slightly ticked off recapper

45614 number of cuss words used to describe old Jalapao for going with Coach and not Brendan

On a personal note I have not cussed this much during one episode of Survivor since Hunter was unjustly voted off. Stupid Dumbass People.

Until the drums begin to play again. Have a good week. Sorry so late this week. Work calls. Stupid work

CANT