Survivor Update - Week 5!

By:?cantvotemeoff

Previously on Survivor...

This week starts us off on an extensive recap of Brendan and Taj and their plans for cross tribal ultra top secret 4 way wink wink alliance. This culminates with Taj and Stephen heading off to get water and finding the HII. Taj hands the idol over to Stephen who rubs his hands together in a menacing manner and plots...

Zero...count them ZERO coach sightings

No metaphors

No chances to throw Erin under the bus

No pep talks

No ego strokings

One slightly ecstatic CANT begins to sing ?oh what a beautiful morning.…?

And the drums begin to play.…

As day breaks on Timbira, Pinky confronts the Brain...I mean Sierra confronts Brendan about not telling her about the cross tribal ultra top secret 4 way wink wink alliance. Well, not really ?confronts? more like—-dare I say it? Could someone other than Coach have one? Why yes folks! We have an ego stroking pep talk about the cross tribal ultra top secret 4 way wink wink alliance!!

We head off to reward challenge where Coach mutters ?only a matter of time? when discovered Sandy was voted off because you know she was a cancer on her tribe. Probably a FAKE cancer that some IDIOT would tell a bunch of young girls to get them all worried about him so he could explain his 39 day absence because we all know cancer can be cured in 39 days. Stupid dumbass creep.

1 throw member of other tribe under bus

4 CANT tequila shots

1 Blood pressure medication

So here?s the challenge, SIT AND SPIN. One tribe mate pulls a rope spinning another on a giant primitive top. Once dizzy they race across a crooked balance beam. First with 3 across wins reward. Wanna know what they are playing for? They get to go to

POOPY PALACE and have macaroons!!!!

Ok so it?s really the Charmin Caf? for pastries and coffee, but you get the point. After his race Spencer said it?s like beer goggles. AHEM! Coach pulled Erin with probably the most zeal I have seen in a while. Jeffy said ?it?s like the end of a bad Friday night for JT?. In the end it is Jalapao that wins reward and they send.…drum roll please.…BRENDAN to Exile dune! Duh. Brendan opts to take Stephen with him this time raising eyebrows of Tyson. Who says Brendan has made a lot of contact with the other tribe and seems to have their respect. Now I ask you...who has he spent time with? Taj and now Stephen.

With a shi*t eating grin on his face Jeff says ?you have a fun afternoon in store...Charmin Caf? is waiting.? **insert your own poopy joke in here, it?s too easy for me**

At the Charmin Caf? we catch a brief glimpse of the potty but the focus is on the food until JT discovers envelopes in the hammock. The tears flow as they share bits and pieces of their letters including JT who says his mom only has told him she loves him ?like 3 times? in his life and said it in his letter.

Meanwhile at Timbira, Tyson says Brendan?s trying to build relations with the other tribe and he?s gotta go next. Deb says not to tell Sierra. A reflective Coach says if we go to merge now then I?m a bystander and I certainly don?t want that to happen. He then begins to channel the survivor spirit of HUNTER. He talks of shifting winds and how clouds are breaking up on the horizon and ?it?s going to go right past us?. The next shot is of a soaking Timbira tribe sitting in the pouring rain.

Erin sums it up best as she says Coach is kind of a jackass.

At Exile Dune, Stephen and Brendan discuss the cross tribal ultra top secret 4 way wink wink alliance. Brendan is excited while Stephen can?t place faith on the cross tribal ultra top secret 4 way wink wink alliance.

At Timbira Sydney and Spencer discuss girls that he likes. Spencer says he?s not going to tell the tribe that he is gay and in a game of figuring out what others are about we learn that Sydney has no gaydar.

Compared to recent episodes this week is flying and we find ourselves at Immunity Challenge. Two members of the tribe launch a ball and the others try to catch it in a net. When they team up, in a fit of what can be only called stupidity, Timbira pits Sierra against JT. Joe tweaks his knee during the second round and JT is an animal flying through the air, making diving catches like A-rod after an HGH injection. Somewhere in the middle of the challenge JT broke off part of his tooth and tosses it off to side. Jeff and the others go on search. Jeff pockets the tooth to use in making a JT voodoo doll later.

In the end it is Timbira that wins. JT throws a mini tantrum when they lose. He thought that Spencer wasn?t protecting against Tyson more. I love you JT but you had Sierra guarding you. Not exactly the same thing.

Back at Jalapao, Joe whines about his knee and Taj is HOT! I guess she figures she is next to go and tells everyone to kiss her ass. Stephen (member of the cross tribal ultra top secret 4 way wink wink alliance) says he is best served if Taj goes home.

I hate the segment between IC and TC. Not just this one but all of them.

At council Spencer says he let the tribe down. Taj admits frustrations and says she blew up. Taj looks straight at Joe and says ?I do not have the idol?. Which is technically NOT a lie.…Stephen has it.

By a vote of 5-1 we lose Spencer, the youngest player in Survivor history. It is hard to believe that he is only one year older than my son. I could never imagine my baby out there on his own (without his I-pod).

The next Survivor is in TWO WEEKS!!! Stupid NCAA basketball...it is also on a Wednesday! The previews show Coach conducting an imaginary orchestra...sorta like talking on an imaginary Blackberry. And Erin calls him a Jackass. Tyson will be doing some sort of island mating dance and Taj has a melt down.

**strange thought I had in the middle of the show...does anyone else think it is strange when they cast Neil Patrick Harris as a womanizer with women in bikinis?

**I hate basketball

Thanks for reading and be sure to check out this riveting thread on RNL http://community.realitynewslive.com/index.php?topic=4572.0

Until the drums begin to play.…

CANT
http://www.myspace.com/thedrumsbegintoplay